Do you keep a journal? Do you write about your accomplishments or challenges? Do you imagine posterity reading it someday? Well, I’m talking about an entirely different type of journal–the type you would not want ANYONE to read.

I’m deadly serious! I encourage you to write at least a page a day and then as soon as you have written it, shred it. Let me explain.

Our psyche is made up of 2 parts—the conscious and the subconscious mind. The conscious mind contains all the things we know about ourselves, all the thoughts we have ever entertained, and all the civilized methods we have learned to manage our complex selves. Our subconscious minds are just that…below the level of consciousness. We don’t know what is there because once we know then it is no longer subconscious. However, the subconscious mind is a lot like a spoiled two year old, at their worst–demanding, self-gratifying, and narcissistic.

Freud (and most of modern psychology) maintains that we spend energy keeping thoughts in our subconscious mind because they are too painful, too violent, or too embarrassing to admit. For most people the energy expended is moderate and manageable. However during times of stress the mental and physiological energy can be overwhelming as we try to keep the lid on the subconscious mind.

People who are perfectionistic, pleasing, and high achievers tend to experience incredible stress mediating between the conscious self and the subconscious self.  The stress can build up to a point where it spills over and starts affecting the physical body. This stress exacerbates physical disease and can cause debilitating pain.

One Sunday all my adult, married children and their spouses were expected to come for dinner.  I was excited about this gathering. I had shopped and cooked for several hours on Saturday and spent all Sunday morning making side dishes and desserts for my family. About 3 hours before they arrived I started to get a headache. Years ago I would have cursed the lousy timing. I would have questioned the foods I’d eaten that day or maybe my bad posture while leaning over the stove. But I know better now. I know my headache was caused by tension between my conscious and subconscious minds.

I immediately took out a piece of paper and started to write.  I kept asking myself, what about my children’s visit was so distressing to me? As I wrote I kept pushing myself for more and more honesty and tried guessing about what thoughts and feelings were in my subconscious mind. What came out in my writing was a deep resentment related to caring for my adult children without expecting anything from them. Imagine my surprise to see THAT in writing and my discomfort admitting it.

As soon as I had written about the conflict the headache began to recede. I quickly shredded the journal entry. It was raw, emotional, and filled with trial and error meanderings (and some expletives). It was not me but rather a tool I used to gain insight into my subconscious mind. It had served its purpose. During the upcoming week I thought practically about how I could ask more of my children and how I could simplify the preparation process for future dinners.

I want you to try it. Write a page of things that may be frightening you, things you might be angry about, or things you want but can’t have. Don’t hold back, NO ONE will ever read this journal.